


A Smile in the Saddest Times

by JustGettingBi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), How Do I Tag, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Past Abuse, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2018-12-22 07:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11963037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustGettingBi/pseuds/JustGettingBi
Summary: Lance lived with his twin sister, younger siblings and his alcoholic, abusive father. Then Lance goes to space. His secret, after many years of hiding, finally comes to the light. How will the team react to the new information? And how will Lance cope?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey humans, aliens, in between. Girls, boys, both, neither, other- all of you. This is my fic. I hope you like it. Pretty angsty. Hopfully pretty awesome as well. Please leave comments- support or critiques. I'll need both. Thanks. Please enjoy!

When Lance arrived home from school, he was not surprised to see his father sitting at the kitchen counter with an almost empty bottle of liquor in his hand. Lance closed the door softly behind him and continued past his father. He turned left, walking up wooden stairs, his face emotionless as he ignored his father’s presence. Marcia had already brought Vincent and Talia home from school so Lance didn't have to worry about picking them up today.

He poked his head in the twins’ room on his way to his own. They were curled up together, holding each other as they slept. Lance smiled softly and closed their bedroom door.

The Cuban boy continued to his and his sister’s room to find his Marcia dozing softly as well. He walked over to their bunk bed, still smiling, and gently nudged her shoulder. Her aqua-green eyes slowly opened as she regained consciousness.

The two teens had never been hard sleepers— they couldn't afford to be. Living with an abusive father and two younger siblings meant they had to be able to wake up at a moment's notice. No matter what the time.

Marcia smiled sleepily up at Lance before her eyes fell closed again. "Mari," Lance spoke in a playful tone, "You need to get up, take a shower, and go to your own bed." Lance nudged Marcia's shoulder repeatedly, knowing that she would get annoyed enough to get up and get moving.

"Waaa! Lancey! I don’ wanna get up." She opened one eye and looked at him with her signature ‘pouty face,’ bottom lip all puckered out. He shakes his head, holding a calloused hand out to her tired form. "C'mon big sis’."

She reluctantly grabbed on to his hand, opening both her eyes, and he pulled her out of bed. She was still wearing her work outfit, which consisted of a long light blue short-sleeved shirt and blue pants the same color. She smiled sleepily at him as she stood up. "Thanks Lancey." She walked out of their room and began the journey towards the bathroom down the hall. 

Lance placed his backpack (which was slowly falling apart, stitches coming loose at the seams) on the floor, yawning. He flopped down on the lower bunk, and began praying to a god he wasn't even sure he believed in that their dad had already fallen into an alcohol-induced sleep.

He didn't want anyone getting hurt tonight. Tonight he wanted to relax. As he took of his coat and shoes he thought maybe he would be able to sleep through the night. Maybe everything would be ok for once.

 

_______________

 

Lance fell into his bed, finally ready to relax after a hard day at school. He’d had to get out of bed when his sister finished taking her shower. He’d had to take his own shower too, after all. Marcia had thrown herself back into bed the moment Lance came out of the bathroom after his own shower, and she’d promptly fallen asleep the moment her head hit the pillow ten minutes ago, snoring softly as she dozed. It’s time for Lance to join the Land of Dreams as well. 

Lance had just closed his eyes when he heard a crash from downstairs. His eyes immediately shot open as a wave of panic washed over him. Marcia, fortunately, was still asleep. He didn't want her to wake up before she had to. She needed sleep more than him.

There was another sound, flesh against wood, as if bare feet were stumbling up wooden steps.

Lance instantly rolled out of bed and rushed to the stairway as fast as he could. His father was tripping on the steps, eyes bugged out of his head, drunk out of his mind. Lance grabbed his father's arm and turned him around, dragging him downstairs.

Lance knew not to say anything. The first time he had to do this, he had tried to talk to his father; tried to convince him to go back to sleep. It didn't end well. Now there's a ragged scar that goes from his left collarbone all the way down to his right hip bone.

So Lance didn't open his mouth. He didn't say a word. But, while speaking made it worse, being silent didn’t make anything better.

When they got to the last step, Lance's father struck without warning, smashing the bottle of liquor on Lance's head. Unshed tears welled up but Lance kept moving. Trying not to acknowledge the blood rushing from his head, Lance finally made it to his dad's room. Clothes were thrown all over the place. Shattered glass littered the floor.

Lance walked over the glass, treading lightly in his blue slippers. He placed his father on the bed and Lance could already see his eyes drooping. He knew there were seconds until his father fell asleep but he also knew that of he left now his dad might get up again. And if that happened he might not go to sleep at all. Lance had learned that the hard way.

So he stayed there, hovering over his father's bed until he was sure he was asleep. He turned around and headed to his and Marcia's room. Blood was still rushing from the gash on his head but Lance had spare gauze in his drawer. He was prepared for this kind of thing.

As he walked into the room, he was relieved to see that Marcia was still asleep. He wrapped his head up and layed in his bed, closing his eyes once again. He would have to figure out what to say to his friends tommorow.

Right now he needs to sleep.


	2. A Raised Hand May Not Hurt You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This is the second chapter. Hope you like! Leave comments please. Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. I've been thinking about adding self-harm. Please comment if you think I should or shouldn't or if I should add something else. Thanks!!

Lance sat in his room in the Castle, gazing at the ceiling and thinking about his siblings back home. Marcia now had to do what they had done together all alone. Lance felt bad for leaving them. He knew it wasn't his fault yet he couldn't help but feel guilty.

Lance glanced at the clock next to his bed (Pidge, the wonderful little gremlin, had made individual clocks for everyone that showed what time it was on Earth— specifically the Garrison in the U.S.). **{8:59AM}** Lance sighed. There was one more minute left before breakfast and group training.

Lance stood, the bed creaking softly from the loss of his weight, and made his way to the door. He walked down the hallway leading to the dining area, preparing himself mentally. He stopped in front of the door, fixed a cocky and obnoxious smile on his face, and kicked open the doors.

Unsurprisingly, every one of his teammates were already there, waiting for him to arrive like always. He sauntered over to the chair he always sat in and leaned back on the chair, throwing his limbs over the armrests of his chair.

Lance said, in a chirpy, sing-song voice, "Gooooood mornin' everybody!"

Hunk, being the ball of sunshine he is, smiled bright enough to rival all the stars and said in a calm, happy voice, "Morning, Lance."

Shiro smiled as well, albeit softly, and said, "Good morning, Lance." Pidge, who had her computer with her at the table, just waved, not looking up from whatever code she was writing or alien government site she’s hacking into.

Keith just returned his greeting with a bored expression and a rough, "Hey, Lance."

Lance turned to face Keith, his smile morphing into a smirk. "Well hello there, Mullet. How are you this lovely morning?”

Keith scowled and grumbled, "Worse, now that you're here."

Lance dramatically placed his hand to his chest, gasping. He exclaimed, "I’m wounded, Keithy! I thought we had a bonding moment!”

After that, everyone fell into routine—eating, talking, Lance making jokes and Keith being grumpy. Lance must've said something that pushed Keith off the edge—a joke about his hair or his clothes—and Keith stood up so fast that his chair flipped backwards.

He walked over to Lance, about to yell at him for being annoying, raising his hands up abruptly in an exasperated manner. He looked down at Lance in time to see him flinch at Keith’s raised his hands.

Lance's arms were shielding his head, as if he believed that Keith would hit him. Fear was plain as day on his face.

Seeing this, Keith slowly brought his arms down, confusion on his face. "Lance?"

Lance then stood up, staring intently at the floor, almost knocking down his own chair. He smiled and looked up, but it was too strained, too fake. "Sorry, guys! I gotta go. I’m... not feeling well. Meet you in the training deck soon!" He dashed out of the room before anyone could say anything, leaving the team to contemplate his abrupt exit.

_____

Takashi “Shiro” Shirogane recognized this kind of behavior. He had been this exact same way after he’s come back from Galra imprisonment. Shiro had tried to hide how he was feeling but every loud noise or sudden movement had made him flinch and instinctively curl in on himself or jump into fighting stance.

It’s concerning—the fact that Lance is doing these things now. The Black Paladin comes to realize that to act like that his teammate must have been hurt before. And it’s... not okay. It’s not. 

______

 

Lance sat in a corner of his room, tears rushing down his face, hands shaking. Memories of his father flashed through his head. The times he was hit, thrown, cut. And it hurt. It hurt so much.

 

_Thirteen year old Lance, dressed and ready for school, was brushing his teeth when he heard slapping and screams coming from his kitchen. Immediately, he ran downstairs. If anything happened to his siblings, it’d be his fault. He can’t let that happen._ _When he arrived he was met with the terrifying scene of his father slapping his younger brother, Vincent. His father’s left hand was holding the back of Vincent’s head as his right hand swung in the air, aiming to hit the young boy’s already bruised face._ _Talia was on her knees behind Vincent, screaming and yelling, trying to convince their father to stop hitting him._

_Lance ran over to their father, jumping over spilled cereal that either Vincent or Talia must have dropped, and stopped his father's hand before it met his little brother’s face._

_Their father turned his attention straight to Lance, dropping Vincent to the floor. "Call Marcia," Lance told his little brother, still holing his father’s outstretched hand. "Tell her to get home as soon as possible. And stay._ Up. Stairs."

_Lance saw, out of the corner of his eye, Vincent nod and grab Talia off the ground, running upstairs. As he was turning back to face his father, a fist—his left hand, his mind supplied—swung into his jaw, knocking him on his back, his head hitting the wall behind him, and he slid to the ground._

_Before he could stand up, his father walked over, stepping on Lance's right hand with his left foot and placing his right foot on the Cuban teen’s face. Pain resonated throughout Lance's body, but he didn't cry or scream._

_When Lance's father removed his foot from his face, Lance saw that he was now carrying an empty bottle of liquor. And then he wasn't because it was thrown on Lance's face so hard that the glass shattered and he felt his nose break._

_This went on for what felt like five hours but was actually five minutes. Marcia came home, prying their father off Lance, and knocking him out with a nasty right hook. She then brought Lance to the hospital, bringing along Vincent and Talia. She told the doctors that Lance had been walking home when he ran into a gang and they’d attacked him._

_The doctor said that Lance had a broken nose, two broken fingers on his right hand, a mild concussion, and a bruised jaw. Marcia had cried when she was told this. And she cried again when she saw the hospital bill. Luckily, the doctor saw her tears and said he would pay for Lance’s treatment._

_When Lance woke, he was showered in kisses from his siblings. There were "I'm sorry"'s and "I love you"'s for the rest of the week._

 

When Lance stopped shaking, he remembered what Marcia used to do with him when he had panic attacks. She would tell him to breathe in through his nose for four seconds, hold for seven seconds, breathe out through his mouth for eight seconds. In four, hold seven, out eight, repeat. In, hold, out.

Lance did this ten times before he felt his breathing even out. He was still shaking but it was manageable.

He looked at the time on his clock. **{9:32}** He was late for practice. Lance waited ten seconds, which gave his body time to finally seize shaking, before getting up and rushing down the hall.

__________

 

When Lance arrived he had already placed a grin on his face, looking happy and slightly apologetic. "Sorry for being late!" he said, and was only met with dismissive nods in response.

Before he could say anything else or crack a joke, Pidge spoke up. "Hey, Allura. What're we doing today?"

Allura smiled at Pidge. She was standing across the room from where the Paladins were standing. "Why, I thought you'd never ask!" She clasped her hands together in delight and continued, "Today you will be doing a variation of the mind-melds. You will put on your helmets and your deepest secrets will be projected onto the screen." Coran then came into the room, pushing what looked similar to a tv screen and a bunch of colored wires. "This system is named Korblox. Korblox will crate a leaderboard-type system starting from the least emotionally traumatized to the most. I hope you're ready to begin!"

Lance looked around at the other paladins. They all seemed wary but no one refused, so Lance didn't either. He didn't want anyone being suspicious of him or what he had to hide.

They all turned as they heard Coran dramatically clear his throat. "Paladins. Please say hello to Korblox!"

He pressed a button on the side of the screen and watched it turn blinding white. Then they heard a voice that sounded like the alien version—Altean, probably— of Siri. "Hello, Paladins of Voltron. Can one Paladin please stand in front of the screen. You will be scanned so that I can determine the least to the most emotionally as well as physically traumatized."

Ever the leader, Shiro was the first to step up. A green light coming from a circular shape on the top of the not-TV scanned over Shiro’s head to his toes before it let out a quick, high pitched _BEEP_! signaling Shiro to step back. "Next."

This process continued until every Paladin had been thoroughly scanned. They looked at the white screen to see the leaderboard. Unsurprisingly, Pidge was first and Hunk was second. What was surprising though (to everyone except Lance) was that Keith was third, Shiro was fourth and Lance was last.

Allura, confused and skeptical, addresed Korblox, "Korblox, are you completely sure this is the correct order."

"Aaffirmative, Princess Allura." Korblox answered.

Quite bewildered, Allura stumbled over her words. "O-okay. Continue, then."

Korblox did as it was told. "Pidge Gunderson. Birth name: Katie Holt. Please move forward."

Pidge hesitantly walked in front of the screen and placed on the helmet that was connected to it. Then the first memory flashed on the screen and everyone, including Pidge, held their breath.


	3. Into the Lives of Others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> This one definitely ends on a cliff hanger! Sorry not sorry! Hope you like:) Sorry it's so short.

The screen flashed and showed an image of Pidge with long hair and tears in her eyes. She was standing on the stairs in her house, staring at something the other paladins couldn't see. Then there was sound of a TV in the background. "Garrison cadets Matt Holt, Takashi Shirogane, and Sam Holt are missing in action." 

Everyone's eyes welled with tears, except for Allura and Coran, who were watching attentively but were uncertain of what was being displayed.

The screen flashed again and Pidge was in her bedroom crying and shoving clothes into a backpack. It appeared to the paladins that she was preparing to run away from home. 

Pidge walked down the steps quietly and opened the front door. She looked back in the house and whispered, "Goodbye, Mom. I'll miss you." She closed the door and walked away into the night. 

Shiro walked up behind present Pidge, lifting the helmet piece off her head. She was staring at the screen, even though it had gone white. She was shaking and tears were rushing down her face uncontrollably. 

Shiro picked her up, cradling her in his arms as she cried, and walked back to the group while whispering soft reassurances.

All movement froze when they heard Korblox's voice once again, "Hunk Garret, please move forward."

Hunk, filled with anxiety and scared to the bone, walked towards Korblox, waiting as he was scanned. Then Shiro spoke. “Hunk. If you don’t want to, if this is too emotionally taxing, you don’t have to. I won’t fault you if you walk away.

Hunk's eyes landed on Pidge then flickered back to Allura. "If Pidge had to, I should too. She can't be alone in this." Before Allura could protest, Hunk placed the helmet on his head and braced himself for what him and the other Paladins, including the Princess and Coran, were about to see.

__________

Hunk's memories showed him with his moms, learning how to cook and eating delicious food. The memories showed him at school, getting teased for being 'a fat pig' and ‘a dirty foreigner’. And that’s how Hunk met Lance. He was being bullied and Lance stood up for him. They'd been best friends ever since. Hunk had cut his wrists before Lance came along and helped him get through his issues. But something all the paladins, and the Alteans in the room noticed was that, in Hunk's memories, Lance always had bruises or cuts.

Next was Keith, who stepped up before Shiro could say anything, pulling the helmet on with a look of determination. The screen showed a small, eight year old Keith getting in a car crash with his parents (their faces weren’t visible because Keith couldn’t remember what they looked like). They died and he made it out with barely a scratch. He was sad and angry and took out his pain on others at school or anywhere he went. Then Shiro came, taking care of Keith. They were like brothers, attatched at the hip. Keith would smile when Shiro walked into the room.

Shiro handed Pidge over to Hunk as he stepped up. The screen flashed through memories of the Galra. Blurry ones and clear ones; memories he remembered and those he’d mostly forgot. He was sliced, burned, tortured by druids, and sent to the arena. He was hurt so brutally that Pidge and Hunk forced themselves to look away. (No one commented on the tears in Lance and Keith’s eyes.)

And then there was Lance. He walked up to Korblox, his hands shaking with anticipation and fear. He picked up the helmet and faced his team. "I'm sorry you have to see this." He placed the helmet on and watched.


	4. Secrets Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> Here's the next chapter. Another cliffhanger!! Not as bad this time though. Hope it's cool

The fourteen year old Lance on the screen was playing with his siblings, smiling and laughing. They were running around the kitchen, wearing towels like capes, pretending to be superheroes. Then the door opened and everyone froze in their tracks, fear flashing in their eyes as their father stumbled through the door.

Screen Lance lifted his two younger siblings into his arms, carrying them up stairs, while his twin stayed downstairs. All the paladins noticed Lance’s expression when their dad walked through the door. Allura and Coran noticed too, but they were even more confused than the Paladins. They couldn't understand why one would be frightened by their own parent.

The scene changed and Lance was even younger. He looked to be around six or seven years old. He was standing next to his sister, staring at the doorway where a young woman, probably in her early thirty's, stood. She looked suspiciously like their mother. Same nose, same mouth, same blue-green eyes.

Lance's mother kneeled down so that she was at eye level with her children. "Mijo y mija," she said, in a tone that sounded like farewell, "I'm leaving you here with your papá. Take care of your baby siblings for me." Tears were rushing down her face as well as Lance's and Marcia's. "I don't know if I'll ever come back. But don't forget me."

She reached into the purse hanging off her right shoulder and took out two pairs of slippers. One pair was light blue and the other was light purple. She gave the blue pair to Lance and the purple pair to Marcia. Even though she was leaving she still remembered their favorite colors.

"Take these. If you're ever feeling sad or need a shoulder to lean on that's not each other, know that I'm there for you." Their mom pulled another pair of slippers out of her purse, but these were pink. "I'll do the same for you both." She kissed their foreheads, more tears catching on her eyelashes. "I'll miss you. And I'll always love you. Goodbye."

The screen flashed and their father was there, a beer bottle in his hand, trying to drink away his sorrows. Tears were rushing down their father's face and he seemed heartbroken. He stood and the Paladins could see fourteen year old Screen Lance on the floor in front of him, cradling a bruised cheek.

The next scene caused the Paladins as well as Coran and Allura to gasp. Lance was in his bedroom, his siblings gone. He held a razor in his hand and he was dragging it accross his wrists. Blood welled up an dripped onto the floor.

Hunk and Pidge turned away, sobbing. Shiro and Keith looked angry. Allura and Coran were paralyzed. The Alteans couldn't understand why someone would hurt themselves— let alone why a father would hurt his own children.

The present Lance fell to his knees, shaking and sobbing. His head falling into his lap as the screen turned dark.

__________

The silence was deafening. Well, the room wasn’t completely silent. Lance could vaguely hear Hunk and Pidge crying, butbhis hearing seemed muffled, as if Pidge and Hunk were far away. One thing he heard though— one thing everyone heard, even through the tears and anger— was a robotic voice. “Target Accomplished.”

______

Lance was the first one to come back to reality, recovering from what Korblox had shown. And the first thing he did was _run_. He didn't know where he was running to. All he knew was he couldn't face his teammates yet. He needed time alone to gather his thoughts.

He opened a random door, which happened to be some type of storage closet. He sat down on a box across from the door, his beating heart threatening to burst out of his chest. He sobbed, pulling on his hair, shaking once again.

He layed down on his side, unable to keep upright. He closed his eyes and curled into a ball before he lost consciousness.


	5. Author’s Note

Hey, so... First of all, it’s been a while. I didn’t mean to leave this fic alone for as long as I did. Sorry ‘bout that, guys. I was just going to post an author’s note (I know, I hate those too) and abandon this fic but I read the last chapter and I think I might continue it and finish it. (I also read all your comments in the last chapter and I can say that you guys definitely influenced my decision to continue this.) I also wanted to say that this fic was inspired by langst101’s fic “Some Semblance of Sanity.” I apologize for not mentioning that in the summary or by the first chapter. It’s no excuse, but I was a bit new to the fandom and completely forgot about it. So, I’m just gonna leave this author’s note and try to update soon. Thanks guys!


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